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Last night the little man woke up and started getting restless so I picked him up and nursed him, and once he fell back asleep I put him back in his cosleeper that is attached to our bed. This was at midnight. He woke up again at 2:30am and was restless so I put my arm across his little body like I have so many nights since he was born and started praying: for him to be at peace, for him to come to know the Lord, for him to have sweet dreams and so on. I drifted in and out of sleep for about 5 minutes but I kept praying. Then I heard a voice say, "stop praying for him." At first I thought it was my husband talking in his sleep, but it wasn't. I heard this voice as if it was right next to Barrett's head. I immediately picked up my son from where he was sleeping and rolled towards my husband whom I woke up and told him to pray for us. We went back to sleep shortly after the prayer ended, and I told my husband I would explain what happened when we woke up.
The alarm went off at 5:30am and my husband got up to turn it off. I explained I had been dreaming and consoling Barrett when he woke up around 2:30 and I told him what I had heard while I was praying for Barrett. He wasn't surprised or shocked to hear what I said. I know we live in a fallen world and are under constant attack by things we can't see, hear, or feel. It's just the first time since Barrett was born that the attacks have been against him. It makes me want to be even more vigilant at being a God centered mommy who is clothed in the armor of Christ. I refuse to be blind to the battle around my family. I know we are a powerhouse for God, and the devil doesn't like that at all. I will raise my son to know we serve the Lord so when the time comes for him to make the choice whether to trust Christ or not, he will have been given all the information he needs to choose on his own. But for now, he is my responsibility and he will be covered in prayer. I will protect him with every fiber of my being.
Only once in a blue moon do we have money for the hubby and I to blow on random frivolous things. May is one of those times, and I can't wait to spend my money. I've already decided on a couple of things to get...a new 33oz Sigg bottle. (www.mysigg.com). These bottles are amazing! They are made out of high grade aluminum and last forever. They don't leech plastic into the water or whatever you choose to put in it and stay cold for hours.
The next splurge will be gDiapers for the baby. I just have to buy a package of inserts and a couple liners because I bought the covers off a friend whose baby outgrew them. These are amazing as well! (www.gdiapers.com) A cross between cloth and disposable diapers, zero plastic and completely biodegradable. A very green option for a modern mommy trying to make her part of the world a little better.
So today we're going to San Antonio to visit friends and to pick up my latest obsession...gDiapers. I can't wait to try them out and hopefully make them the permanant diaper choice for our son. It'll be fun.
Today happens to be both; however, unlike the Carpenters'...they don't get me down. I love rainy days. We need the rain here in Central Texas so bad any rain is a welcome sight.
It's quiet now. Little man is in his crib napping and I find myself musing about what's to come in our future. I'm constantly in awe of God's provision for our family's life and watching his plan unfold around us. Who would have ever thought we would be debt free, own a house, both cars and still have enough money at the end of the month to have fun with? Seriously we are way ahead of the curve here and we've only been married 4 years. I can't wait to see what the next few months holds. Hubby should get accepted to flight school without any trouble and then hopefully it's off to Fort Rucker. I've never lived anywhere outside of Texas (why would you want to?) so I'm a little nervous and hesitant to be honest, but I know it will be great to see other things and meet some new people. We'll be close to the beach, and we can travel around the South during the weekends. Things are looking up for us, and I'm so thankful for everything that God has brought our way recently.
The rain is really coming down now. I wish I could take a nap too.
Some mornings are easy and some are not. Sunday mornings are not. I have to get up, get the baby up who did not want to wake up this morning, and get us both ready for church. Usually I have a pretty good system which works well for us, but for some reason this morning we were off our A game and everything seemed to go awry. First the baby wanted to eat so as I was nursing him, he pooped which was fine but his morning poop is explosive so it got all over him. I took him in his room to change him and let him play in his crib with his helicopter mobile. He was happy for about 10 minutes in which time I have washed my face, brushed my teeth, and started to put my makeup on. I walked into his nursery and he is screaming at his mobile which has stopped turning so I wind it up again and immediately he stops screaming.
Now he's smiling and laughing and not concerned at all that we have to be at church in 15 minutes and I am still not dressed and neither is he. l quickly finished getting ready and threw on some clothes that were on the floor and went in to get the baby dressed. He squirms more than usual and starts screaming again...most likely because he doesn't want to have clothes on. I get him in the carseat, and he immediately poops again. So I get him out of the carseat and change his diaper and put him back in the carseat. We make it out of the house with 5 minutes to spare. We get to church only to realize I left the baby wipes at home. Fantastic!
Church starts and he's asleep in our BabyHawk carrier, and as soon as the message starts Barrett wakes up and is really fussy. So I have to leave the auditorium and walk around the building a couple times and he goes back to sleep sort of. We make it through the first service but he's fading fast and is not happy about it. We leave church before the next service started and get home and no sooner does his head hit the pillow that he's out. Thank God for small favors.
The rest of the day will most likely pan out like this...
1. lunch
2. naptime
3. playtime
4. dinner
5. naptime
6. bath time
7. bedtime
Seriously, sometimes I wonder if I will ever get to have a say in my schedule again, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know he won't be a baby forever so I have to enjoy his dependence on me while I can because he is growing up so fast. I love being a mommy!
Today's been spent with family, playing at the mall and looking at stuff we can't buy because we're poor. It's okay though. We don't mind being poor, we're rich in love.
I'm pretty excited about dinner tonight. We're going to the Melting Pot to have an entire 4 course meal of different fondues. I love this place, and we don't go very often because it's mainly for special occasions. I guess it is my sister-in-law's and my birthday. We'll see how it goes.
Tomorrow we're introducing the little man to my hubby's entire extended family. I really hope Barrett holds up long enough to meet everyone. Pray for us.
I love driving around town and just enjoying the ride. Not going anywhere in particular...just driving. Barrett sits in the backseat, desperately trying to stay awake to keep from missing out on something. We babble back and forth to each other as the drive winds along the roads. It truly is a blessing.
I've got some housework I have to get done today because we're going out of town this evening, and I hate coming home to a messy house. I feel like I used to get so much more done when I was pregnant. I guess I didn't have to keep an eye out for the little man then. I hate housework. I could be doing other more important things like playing with the baby.
Mornings are really special now. Barrett is definitely a morning baby, and he always wakes up so happy. He babbles and coos and laughs. It starts my day off so wonderfully. We just linger in bed, playing and laughing. Life is so simple and glorious now. How did we ever exist before him? I find it so hard to believe waiting so long to have babies, but I know God gave him to us at the right time.
We took a drive earlier, and he fell asleep with the sunshine spilling into the back seat and pooling on his little toes. He loves the car, watching the world whiz past and sucking on his favorite binky. Didn't go anywhere special, just around town. I got lunch and came back home. Now it's naptime, and he's dreaming in the other room. I should be getting some stuff done around the house, but I'm not feeling very domestic at the moment. There's time enough for such things later.
Starting out is always difficult. It's been so long since I tried to do something creative that I'm not so sure I know how anymore. Here's to new beginnings.
29 is around the corner and it takes me by surprise that I moved to San Marcos almost a decade ago. How is that possible? I blinked and all of a sudden I was an adult. The carefree college days are long past and now is the stark white reality of real life. Can we see and feel the end of those days coming like a gradual glorious sunset? Or is it like a spotlight in the dark that catches us off guard and scrambling for the shadows? For me it was the latter. I knew "growing up" was inevitable and inescapable, but it seems to me that with the growing up I lost a piece of the dreamer inside of me. I can remember her, eyes glittering and hair in the wind as I sped down the highway going way to fast for comfort but doing it anyway. When was it that I lost her? I can't really put my finger on it anymore, but this is a new beginning for her. I want to know what it feels like to be hopelessly hopeful again. I want to dream dreams and listen to weird music again and talk to strangers. I want to smile and giggle like a school girl with braids. I want to raise my son knowing anything and everything is possible...even the absurd.
We need to get back to a place where it is okay to extend a hand to a stranger and not expect something in return. We need to get back to thinking not everyone wants something from you or is trying to take advantage of us. The world is cruel and harsh without love and compassion. Try. Just try. Feel a little more than you normally would allow yourself. Open yourself up to understanding there will be pain, but it makes the experience of joy and happiness that much sweeter. It is worth it.
Don't be afraid to touch someone. We don't touch anymore. It is so rare for people to hug. What happened? When did we become so antiseptic in our personal relationships? Why is it acceptable for children to go to bed wondering if their parents love them become they haven't ever been held? Why is it acceptable for wives to wonder? Why is it acceptable for husbands? Why can't we just hold on to one another and remind each other what it is to be and feel alive? I mean, come on, folks. This is the only life on this earth that we get. Why waste it in your own plastic bubble?
So starting today, right now, is the beginning of something big for me. I don't know what it is or what form it is going to take, but I'm open to it now. I just want to live and love and laugh and cry and experience everything this world has to offer without regret.
