Tuesday, April 21, 2009

New beginnings

Starting out is always difficult. It's been so long since I tried to do something creative that I'm not so sure I know how anymore. Here's to new beginnings.

29 is around the corner and it takes me by surprise that I moved to San Marcos almost a decade ago. How is that possible? I blinked and all of a sudden I was an adult.
The carefree college days are long past and now is the stark white reality of real life. Can we see and feel the end of those days coming like a gradual glorious sunset? Or is it like a spotlight in the dark that catches us off guard and scrambling for the shadows? For me it was the latter. I knew "growing up" was inevitable and inescapable, but it seems to me that with the growing up I lost a piece of the dreamer inside of me. I can remember her, eyes glittering and hair in the wind as I sped down the highway going way to fast for comfort but doing it anyway. When was it that I lost her? I can't really put my finger on it anymore, but this is a new beginning for her. I want to know what it feels like to be hopelessly hopeful again. I want to dream dreams and listen to weird music again and talk to strangers. I want to smile and giggle like a school girl with braids. I want to raise my son knowing anything and everything is possible...even the absurd.

We need to get back to a place where it is okay to extend a hand to a stranger and not expect something in return. We need to get back to thinking not everyone wants something from you or is trying to take advantage of us. The world is cruel and harsh without love and compassion. Try. Just try. Feel a little more than you normally would allow yourself. Open yourself up to understanding there will be pain, but it makes the experience of joy and happiness that much sweeter. It is worth it.
Don't be afraid to touch someone. We don't touch anymore. It is so rare for people to hug. What happened? When did we become so antiseptic in our personal relationships? Why is it acceptable for children to go to bed wondering if their parents love them become they haven't ever been held? Why is it acceptable for wives to wonder? Why is it acceptable for husbands? Why can't we just hold on to one another and remind each other what it is to be and feel alive? I mean, come on, folks. This is the only life on this earth that we get. Why waste it in your own plastic bubble?

So starting today, right now, is the beginning of something big for me. I don't know what it is or what form it is going to take, but I'm open to it now. I just want to live and love and laugh and cry and experience everything this world has to offer without regret.

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