Monday, October 15, 2007
I find myself wondering lately about alot of things. Like....why does it take a major tragedy or life change for people to genuinely care about each other? How does it make sense to be lonely in the midst of a crowd? When did it become acceptable for people to stop being kind? And why are there so few hugs and kisses? Why are we so cold and unfeeling towards each other?
Why are we so determined to hold onto the past? Why are we so distant from one another? Are we really that different?
I'm writing this to a specific person who may or may not read this entry, but it doesn't matter if they do or not. I don't know what is going on with your life. I want to. I don't know if you think of me, but I think about you often. I hope your life is turning out exactly the way you had hoped. I honestly do.
What is done is done, and what is said is said. I can't change what happened or didn't happen to make you turn your back on me, but I have changed. I am not the woman I once was. Life has a way of reminding us what is truly important. You were important to me once, and I would like you to be again. Only you can make that decision.
I have no idea who will or will not read this, but I want you to know as you read these words I love you. I may not have spoken to you in years. I may not have ever spoken to you. I love you. At some point you may have been a huge part of my life, and for that I am eternally greatful. You helped shape the woman I am now, and the older I get the more I realize I need the people who knew me when I was young. My friends have always been my life, and I am terribly sorry if I ever let a day pass when I didn't tell you. I love you. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
We need to get back to a place where it is okay to extend a hand to a stranger and not expect something in return. We need to get back to thinking not everyone wants something from you or is trying to take advantage of us. The world is cruel and harsh without love and compassion. Try. Just try. Feel a little more than you normally would allow yourself. Open yourself up to understanding there will be pain, but it makes the experience of joy and happiness that much sweeter. It is worth it.
Don't be afraid to touch someone. We don't touch anymore. It is so rare for people to hug. What happened? When did we become so antiseptic in our personal relationships? Why is it acceptable for children to go to bed wondering if their parents love them become they haven't ever been held? Why is it acceptable for wives to wonder? Why is it acceptable for husbands? Why can't we just hold on to one another and remind each other what it is to be and feel alive? I mean, come on, folks. This is the only life on this earth that we get. Why waste it in your own plastic bubble?
I don't know if the dawn will bring a new understanding of things for me, but I hope so. Every day is a gift. I'm spending mine wisely now.