Monday, March 24, 2008
A decision has to be made. Jump or not. Easy enough, you would think, but of course you would be wrong.
If it was so easy you would have done it already. What is keeping you from doing it? Whatever "it" is. I have a lot of different "it"s in my life, and I’m sure you do to. What holds us back? Keeps us locked in place or worse, spinning in circles. There was a time when nothing could have kept me from running on ahead just to see what was around the next corner, what was over the next hill. What changed? Was it the sadness of losing those old dreams? The devastation over a lost lover? I don’t really know anymore. Will this next step bring me closer to who I’m supposed to be or will it just be another replacement standing in for me?
Did I get off track or did I just stop caring about it all together? Where is the distinction? I want to know.
Gazing into the future has never been a talent for me. Some people can do it, I can’t. I don’t know if I would want to, but this verge has me scared. Scared of everything it stands for and of everything it will turn me into. Do I really want this? No one has the answer and yet everyone is so eager to tell me I’m not complete unless I jump off this cliff. Who are they to say what is best for me? Or this life? What if this is the wonderful life I am supposed to have? This is all. This is it. Why isn’t that enough for everyone looking on?